Family Dynamics

I run into this exact scenario whenever I meet someone new.  It goes something like this:

I'm with Kaleb at the park or library or store and strike up a light conversation with another mom.
"Is he your only child?"
"No, I actually have two teenage sons at home!"

To which I see the mental wheels spinning as they try to figure out my family dynamics. I know what they are thinking...
"Must be a second marriage baby"

So I find my self interrupting their train of thought to explain that Kaleb was our 'surprise' and that we're so blessed to have him. And then we go into the 'how helpful the older boys must be' conversation.

Even as my husband and I met with the OB when we first found out we were expecting he asked "Same dad for all three pregnancies?"

What's up with that? It's a sad state when the furthest thing from peoples minds would be that you were happily married and just had a large gap in between kids.

Me and my wide gapped family! We're at Salvation Mountain in Niland, CA

47% is not a passing grade

Don't worry, I'm not talking about my sons grades in school. They both are very good students. I'm referring to my grade, not as a mother but rather as an aficionado in metalcore music.

And don't think I'm slacking on my studies either. I'm listening to it right now. It's loud, aggressive, and screaming in parts. My sons quiz me on a regular basis as they take over the car stereo with their music. 

"Mom, who's this?" they'll ask. 

"Um, Devil Wears Prada?" I reply without one ounce of confidence. 

"No! They've got more screaming, this has some screaming and some singing." 

"Oh, Ok" and I make a mental note.  

Sometimes I'll throw myself out there and make a guess without being prodded. 

"This is August Burns Red, right?"

"No, they're screaming is deeper."

"Oh, Ok" Another mental note.

I am proud to say that I know most of the band Acronyms...TDWP, ABR, MIW, ADTR, OMAM, A7X. I think I'd probably score about an 87% on acronyms but they don't quiz me on these for some reason. They know I'd kick butt. 

I've always promoted their love of music, even if it's not my favorite genre. I even encouraged my husband to take my eldest to his first hardcore concert the night before I went into to labor with Special K, (Kaleb's pet name). My husband has taken both boys to several concerts and watched them head bang their necks into self induced whiplash. 

When I discovered that the drummer for TDWP (The Devil Wears Prada, for all those without metal head sons!) I drove them over an hour away and waited for him to show up to sign autographs at a drum shop. He was a super nice guy proving you shouldn't judge a heavily tattooed and ear gauged band member before you meet them! Plus many of the bands are Christians! 

Bottom line...I want to make sure that I foster the passion my sons have in whatever it is they love; regardless of my own preferences. In order to stay connected to them, I will show genuine interest in the things that interest them. I'll caveat this by saying as long as it's not immoral, illegal or goes against our family code of ethics which come directly from the Bible.  

 

Photos are of each son with Daniel Williams of The Devil Wears Prada...look how excited they were!

Call me a Facebook stalker!

Stalker: (noun):  is a term commonly used to refer to unwanted and obsessive attention by an individual or group to another person

Well, I never considered myself a stalker, until my oldest son labeled me as such. But now that I think about it...I guess I am!  It's important to me that I know who they are spending time with and what they are doing with said time.  I certainly don't think I'm obsessive, although I guess the attention that I place in 'research' is unwanted. 

I think of this as more of a character profile project than stalking and thanks to Facebook researching this has become relatively easy. It's not a big secret that I regularly check on my sons friends. I check on the statuses that they've commented on as well as comments that were left by others. I'm glad that these kids haven't figured out the concept of privacy settings!


I encourage all parents to visit their teens on Facebook regularly. See who their friends are and what type of things they are posting. You may be in for a big surprise. Just because they are more independent doesn't mean that they make wise choices all of the time. They still need the occasional monitoring, OK...stalking... to keep them on track.  My sons don't appreciate this now, but hopefully some day they will.   After all, I'm not their friend, I'm their MOM!