Evolution of the Chore

It starts right about age 2. You know, the desire to 'help' mom or dad with whatever we are doing. Of course, we as parents want to promote this helpful behavior so we give them a paper towel or a sponge and encourage them to clean the table, which they enjoy immensely even though they are very bad at it. We wouldn't dare injure their fragile spirits by telling them they missed a spot, so after they're done spreading dirt all over the place (including the floor which wasn't even dirty before!) we thank them for helping and then go back and re-clean their mess.

 

As they grow older we gently direct them by teaching them the proper way to do things around the house. This is how you put away the dishes, clean the bathroom or vacuum the floor. They are getting better but they are also realizing this is actual work and they become less eager to help. Of course we still have to go behind them to finish their task up to our standards.

 

Then we hit the teen years. Now we have a written list of chores that they are responsible for and even though they've been doing it since they were six years old, they are still surprised when the garbage needs to be taken out. Rarely does something get done on the first request . And while it was cute as a toddler, the fact that things still aren't done up to par, is much less endearing as a teenager.

Having said all that...what's the solution? How do we get them to do their chores the first time we ask (or if you really want to give me a heart attack, BEFORE I ask!) without complaining and to the best of their ability, which I know is better than what I've seen?  

Money? Do we pay our kids to do the every day things that I've been doing for free for years? I don't think so, they're not hired help, they actually had a hand in contributing to the mess. 

Withholding privileges? Alone, I guess this works with timeliness but doesn't promote a 'no complaining' attitude or doing things to the 'best of their ability' They're usually rushed to get it done so they can go do whatever they think is more important.  

Positive reinforcement? Nice thought but I think teens have short term memory loss when it comes to this. 

In the restaurant business lots of servers have to be 'checked out' before they are allowed leave. In other words, the manager walks through their area to see if it's clean and if they've set up for the following shift. Are all their duties complete and to the standards of the restaurant?

So I'm thinking a combination of a few tactics may work. Withhold privileges until the task is finished, 'checking' their work before they are excused to galavant and giving them praise for a job well done.  It's not perfect but I think I'm going to give it a try!

Tears, I mean, Bananas on my Pillow...

 

Our youngest son is an early riser. Thankfully he usually snuggles with us in bed and falls asleep for another much needed hour or so.  But sometimes he doesn't and is wide awake and raring to go at 6am.

This was one of those mornings. But alas, in an effort to be considerate, my hubby, who was getting up to go to work anyway,  got him a banana, turned the TV on low and put him back in bed next to me.

Most moms will automatically see the red flag in the above situation. Yes, I woke up to a half a squished banana on my pillow and also discovered that, if in dire need, banana makes pretty good hair gel. 

Thank you, well intention-ed hubby and messy two year old!

The Socialist Fish

There's an award winning children's book called 'The Rainbow Fish' written by Swiss author Marcus Pfister in 1992.  Maybe you've heard of it? We have the puffy plastic bathtub edition which I'm sure is abridged.

The basic scenario is that the beautiful rainbow fish with shiny scales is the envy of all the other fish. They don't want to be his friend because he doesn't want to give them his scales.  He becomes sad and after seeking the advise of an octopus decides to give away his scales and of course all the fish like him in the end because they now all have the same single shiny scale.

Is it just me or is there something inherently wrong with this story? Doesn't it seem a little communist to you? I always remember hearing that if people don't like you for who you are they aren't worth your friendship.  This story is telling kids that they should give everyone a little piece of themselves so that they can all be the same.

As I was formulating this post I googled 'Rainbow Fish' to find a piece of clip art. I was surprised to find that according to Wikipedia (I know, not an entirely reliable source) there has been controversy brewing over the theme of this book  that I was unaware of. I'm happy to say that it is as transparent as I found it to be and many others see the socialist agenda behind it.

 Why is this story still so popular? It's title should be changed to 'The Socialist Fish'

Ouc Ouc...not what Robert Frost intended

My toddler has a problem saying the 'T' sound at then end of words. So when he wants to get out of his chair he says 'ouc' which we uderstand to mean 'out.'  My older sons and I tried repeating the word 'out' while emphasizing the 'T' sound but he still repeats 'ouc'

Today, in an effort to help him, we thought of a word that started with a 'T' to get him used to saying this sound. 'T' like 'Turtle' we said. And he repeated 'turtle'. Then we said 'ouT'  But nevertheless he still said 'ouc'

A few minutes later, and much to our amusement, he pipes up and says 'ouc...turtle'  I think our plan backfired. :)

W is for Dog?!

My toddler has several educational toys that he plays with. There is one in particular he's been attached to for quite some time. It's an orange lap top that teaches numbers and letters. At first he'd just turn it on and off repeatedly. But now that he's a little older he's starting to recognize the letters.

The keys all have a picture associated with them which is a great way to learn and it works. Except when three of the letters have an animal that looks like a dog! So when I ask him where the 'D' is for dog he'll point to the 'W' which has a picture of a wolf or the 'F' which has a picture of a fox! Who decided to do this? Aren't there a plethora of 'W' and 'F' words to use? How about fan, fish or fire? Water, or whale?

By the letter 'O' there's a picture of a tree. Seriously? Why isn't it on the 'T'  Oh, it's for oak...silly me. Why not a picture of an octopus? I'm beginning to think there are forces out there that are trying to mess with me. Don't they have a focus group of moms or teachers who advice these toy makers? Well, they sure didn't ask me! My poor son is going to grow up thinking 'W' is for dog!  

is for  

 (Or maybe this would be listed under 'G' for German Shepherd?! )

Paper or Plastic?

As a SAHM, there are many jobs that we are responsible for. Job's that are unglamorous, redundant and never ending. In fact, people with huge disposable incomes hire others to perform these mundane tasks. You know what I'm talking about...cooking, cleaning, laundry and my nemesis...grocery shopping.

Some people love this task, but not me. For me I liken it to a trip to the dentist. Sometimes I even put it off so long that we only have one can of beans and are using stale hot dog buns to make our sandwiches. Ok, I'm exaggerating, but not by much!

Let me offer you a glimpse into my weekly grocery shopping ordeal. After dragging myself to the store, I grab a cart and start filling it with a variety of food items checking ingredients and prices. I rarely use a list and prefer the challenge of remembering what we need as I walk down every aisle. Sometimes I have to take the baby. He doesn't like to sit in the seat, he'd rather be in the cart. When that gets too full I try to put him back in the seat which he resists and I end up holding him for a short while before I relent and put him down. Then he runs up the aisle touching everything and putting random things in the cart. I try not to take him if at all possible since it adds about 30 minutes to the already dreaded task.

After the cart is full, I wait in line to take everything I just placed in the cart out again. I usually take the time to separate my items into groups...refrigerated, pantry and cleaning or hygiene items. I do this in the hopes that the cashier will keep them in my segregated groups to make it easier once I'm home. I don't know why I bother.

Then depending on the store I'm in, (I like to mix things up for my own amusement so I don't go to the same store every week...call me crazy), I may also have to take my already scanned items put them in bags so then I can put them back in the cart for a second time. I actually don't mind this too much since I am then in control of keeping my groceries segregated. I use plastic bags, forgive me for always forgetting to bring the recyclable ones that I purchased.

For some reason the bags never fit in the cart quite the same way they first did and I can't see past the pile in front of me. I get to the minivan, open the door and have to move all the toys and miscellaneous stuff out of the way to make room for the groceries, which I am now handling for a FOURTH time!

I call my teens on the way home so they can be prepared to help me unload. I usually grab 4 or 5 bags on my way up to the door. Soon the counters are covered with plastic bags and I begin unloading them into their final resting space. In case you've been counting, I've now handled these things SIX times before it's all said and done.

And now for the pinnacle moment of my shopping excursion: The moment someone asks for a specific item that either I didn't know we needed or forgot proving that my 'by memory' technique is flawed and I should definitely make a list. At this point I need a glass of wine.

Parenting in the Playground

We live 2 blocks away from a beautiful park with a playground. We spend lots of time here and it's always crowded with kids of all ages. This is a haven for self-proclaimed people-watchers such as myself. I've come to realize that there are three types of adults who bring their kids to the playground.

First, there are the attentive parents. 

• Following their child around the equipment to protect them if need be
• Making sure that other kids aren't throwing, pushing, spitting or grabbing 
• Making sure that their kids aren't throwing, pushing, spitting or grabbing
• Enjoying the play time as much as their children are

There is a sub-group to this type of parent and that is the Overly-attentive parent. They are usually on the playground equipment trying to out play their kid.

Secondly, the distracted parent.

• Sitting on the bench near the playground talking on the phone,  texting or chatting; glancing up occasionally
• Standing near where they last saw their child, talking on the phone, texting or chatting; oblivious to where their child is currently
• Pushing the swing while chatting with another distracted parent
• Child of distracted parent has usually attached themselves to an attentive parent/child pair

Lastly, the absent parent.

• Hired a fill-in parent usually in the form of an older Mexican woman
• Above mentioned nanny's sit in a small group of 5 or so on the bench and chat in their native tongue  while kids play
• Kids are usually bi-lingual and have attached to each other
• Parents are missing out on the best part of their kids lives
• Kids are missing out on the best part of their parents lives

I'd say I fall into the usually attentive but sometimes distracted parent category. 

*These are observations from this particular very busy playground...findings may differ from the playground near your house. :)

Kaleb at the playground this past summer

Lysogenic cycle or laundry?

There's a quote I've seen on Facebook a few times. It's credited to Einstein, but as with all things on the internet, who knows if he really said it. At any rate, here it is:

Having 11.5 years of homeschooling under my belt, this quote has struck a cord with me. Especially since I have two sons taking high school classes as we speak. There are requirements, even imposed on those who choose to educate at home, to which every high school student must adhere. Depending on the state that you call home, your student will be required to take algebra I and II, geometry, biology, and chemistry. If they're on the 'college track' they may be required to take math and science that go above and beyond these even if they know that they will not major in these areas. Now, I have nothing wrong with these subjects, but to demand that they are required of every student to graduate is ridiculous. 

I think it's safe to say that by the time a student is 13/14 years old, they are going to know if the LOVE science and math or if they HATE it. Up to this point they've learned basic math and science in elementary and middle school. Perhaps they know what photosynthesis is and how to add fractions. There should probably be a fundamental understanding of nature and math. How much? I'm not sure. But do they need to know how to write a formula for sulfuric acid? Or how many degrees a supplementary angle has?  I've never needed this info, have you? 

 If they are not math and science minded kids are we imposing on them the need to memorize, stress over and endure a subject that is going to have no affect on them in their future? Are we forcing the fish to try to climb a tree? 

How about basic car maintenance and repair? I think being able to change a tire would be useful.  How to cook chicken so you don't get yourself and your friends sick? This sounds pretty important to me.  Balancing a checkbook, keeping a budget and understanding exactly what you're getting into when you finance a car or home? I'm pretty sure if these were required to graduate, many people would be better off for it. 

Reaching for His hand...

As Kaleb goes about the very tough job of being a toddler there is something that grabs me:

When he comes to a place where he needs some help he doesn't look back but simply puts his hand up with full confidence that I am there to hold it and support him.  

I need to become like a child and reach out confidently to my God who promised He will never leave me or foresake me. 

Family Dynamics

I run into this exact scenario whenever I meet someone new.  It goes something like this:

I'm with Kaleb at the park or library or store and strike up a light conversation with another mom.
"Is he your only child?"
"No, I actually have two teenage sons at home!"

To which I see the mental wheels spinning as they try to figure out my family dynamics. I know what they are thinking...
"Must be a second marriage baby"

So I find my self interrupting their train of thought to explain that Kaleb was our 'surprise' and that we're so blessed to have him. And then we go into the 'how helpful the older boys must be' conversation.

Even as my husband and I met with the OB when we first found out we were expecting he asked "Same dad for all three pregnancies?"

What's up with that? It's a sad state when the furthest thing from peoples minds would be that you were happily married and just had a large gap in between kids.

Me and my wide gapped family! We're at Salvation Mountain in Niland, CA